Escape Into Chris - Entry 3

Drawing by Chris Al-Aswad

Spring 2007, Normal IL

“…The woman you love, her actions and behaviors toward you, her words, that is the balm for your soul. She is there to validate you, to reveal to you your utter worthiness. God has made it so without her, you may have never known. The inner lack is filled by love and she loves you – constantly so your inner lack may be filled again and again and so that you will know that there is nothing you need to do to be yourself. But once you deeply realize this, then you can accomplish anything and you will accomplish your desires and dreams freely without the whip of your inadequate thoughts. Because you will know that you are complete within and without…

…She validates me, I feel complete. I feel adequate, something I never felt before. I don’t feel as though I’m unique and that doesn’t bother me either. I’m like every other human being. My feelings and experiences are not much different. My ambitions, my striving. Also, I get to take another look at how I structure my life around feelings of inadequacy. How I have to prove something to the world that I’m intelligent, that I’m artistic, that I’m different. But I’m really not. And who I am is wonderful, the way I am. I don’t need to accomplish anything to be myself….

…The goal is not to stop working. The goal is to work but not be attracted to your work. My work is my writing but my writing, good or bad is not me. I am much greater than anything I can create. My mind, my heart, my soul – masterpieces already written, works of art already created. The beauty of creation is that the work is me. I am the work. Any part of the work I can reveal is truly great but it does not replace the source and the hand that made it.”